Dreamy Dad

I've got about 3-4 posts percolating in me and sooner or later I'll get 'em down. Just to jog my memory I'll put a prospective title for them here: "Big Love" and "Big Tub", I think there was another but it is escaping me just now. I'm concerned that this one I'm going to write about now would escape me so that is why I decide to get it down. I'll give you a warning - this isn't the most cheery of posts, but I wanted to share it anyway - so here goes.

I've been having dreams of Dad for a while now. It is nice to see him of course and most of the time some part of me in the dream becomes aware that I'm dreaming of my Dad who is dead and this is a dream about him. Well last night I had one that really seemed to be saying something to me - trying to help me come to terms in some small measure with what has come to pass.

In the dream it was the present time and I was at the sea shore - back from it a bit - up on the grass but watching the surf and enjoying the view. I was hanging out with some friends. Dad came along and joined us. He sorta limped into the scene. He looked very tired and frail. We talked about how the treatments were coming along and he was so resigned and defeated. He explained in detail how awful he felt and how he was getting weaker and weaker, how his skin just seemed to be getting thinner and thinner. How his veins hurt and seemed to be turning grey. It pained him to describe his decline. He wasn't whining, he was sorta matter of fact about it but he sounded depressed. Not himself. A bit of commotion from the sea turned both of our attentions from the conversation and we looked out to sea to see a mythically huge wave surging up out of the depths. Surfers were out there but it seemed none would try to catch this beautiful and powerful pulse but in one decisive moment a surfer turned and dropped into the maw of what seemed a certain disaster. But instead with poise he rocketed down the face of the huge wave and carved one long graceful arc across the face of the wave and made it to the safety of the channel. All the people on the beach stood and cheered and applauded as the surfer finished his surfing... walking out of the water and not considering any feeble follow up to that beautiful finish.

In my dream I did not turn back to Dad's description of his on going battle with cancer, but instead began reflecting about what had actually happened. How he seemed strong and determined and beautiful in spirit up until the week before he died. Even possessed those qualities in his last hours. I thought that although I miss him so and wish he was here I can't wish that he lingered in grave illness. And I recalled how Adem described the way Dad went with a metaphor of a guillotine that was held by a rope with a candle burning under it. That the time was always going to be THE time, but in the end it would be swift. And that was the best way... because Dad would not have wanted to be the man in my dream - instead he would have liked to be strong, beautiful, and dignified to the end. Why mess around with little ripples when he'd had the chance to dance in the ocean of life with passion and grace?

mr craby

I allways had hoped to get dad up here. I know he loved his life in Little Rock and would never trade it for the world but still. I started crabbing this week I decided not to go back to work (Ive been a little off and wanted to do what dad would like "you arnt happey about your weight are you son (no dad ) well do something about it (yes dad )"Its not just the work out ,its the making money ,not earning money. Theres a difference for me I like working for my outfit but if I can generate money where there wasnt any with my hands and smarts it makes me whole some how. So last night I was out till 10pm setting 10 pots in the moon light on the frozen sea I knew I have made the right choices. This morning I did a spot check three pots $200 in crab not bad going to set another 10 tomorrow. The best part isnt the money ,I'd make more swinging a hammer, it's doing something dad would love.

Salvia Hispanica

Ironically, Dad was always on a health kick... spare ribs and fluffanutter sandwiches aside. He was always playing tennis, eating the latest health food, and looking for ways to keep his mind active as well. Last year he was really trying to get me to eat Chia seeds, sent me the link to the website where you purchase them and touted a thousand health claims. You buy them by the pound and mix them with water, where they swelled into a (I imagine) slimy mass, before consuming them. I resisted. Last week I bought a new type of vitamin for my children by the name of OMEGA 3 Gummy Fish. Between you and I they should have left fish out of the vitamin's name. anyway I was trying to figure out where the Omega 3s came from and it said a proprietary blend consisting of Salvia Hispanica extract and marine algae. I had to google Salvia etc... to find out what exactly I was feeding my kids. CHIA SEEDS!!!! highest content of Omega 3 per whatever. higher than flax seed or salmon. there you have it. we be eating the chia Dad. So here is another "Thanks Dad" post. He was always striving for good health and though when I was a kid it seemed odd and I didn't really want to eat granola with yoghurt he was an excellent life long example. Now I have to go make some comments about BLOODWORMS on Adem's post!

I guess I should'a called Bob

Did we ever live at the lake? I remember the first summer it seemed we would just walk down to the lake in the morning. Dad would do a little fly frogging for our morning frog legs and eggs these are the first memories of CT , lake peacoat or whatever. Was the lake a navy camp sight it sure seemed to be ours and ours alone hardly anyone around ,and what ever happened to that sweet little boat? It looks like it was about a 12'Lound . Did anyone else go on dad's late night nite crawler hunts before the fishing trips. How about the crawdads that was fun. The snakes, the turtles, the salamanders, the lighting bugs, the bloodworms, the minows, the sea horses, the lobsters, the jelly fish, the blue crabs(caught with chickin necks)the snappers, the fishing trips, the rock wall, the lawn, my own room,t he dungeon where Robert slept with the worm farm and had all kinds of neat stuff to sodder, the den (the dungeon after dad fixed it up)the ping pong, that huge snapping turtle and the Unbridled Freedom to go go go and see the world thanks dad for those Connecticut summers they were the best days of my childhood. Adem

Sex is Overrated

Got your attention, didn't I?
When I was about 16 Dad and I were driving down the road in Connecticut and he says to me "Sex is overrated, Rob". That stands out as a memory. Hmm... I don't really remember too much of what preceded that comment or what came after it. But a young man wonders what his father has to say about such things. Unfortunately due to custody arrangements we didn't get much face time on the subject... or discuss it much at all. It hadn't really come up much the previous summer and I only spent one more summer with him after that (and without my girlfriend that summer so maybe that is why we stayed off the subject). Then next I was to spend any chunk of time with him I was almost 20. Sorta out of the birds and bees range, yeah? So anyway occasionally I tried to decipher what he meant by that. As a parent I can say with some confidence that the lessons we teach most of the time are not doled out in a single complete serving but may build incrementally. Maybe that was just the start of a dialog that never really got started again or certainly never wrapped up in any definitive way. Parents also teach by example and so here is my interpretation of "Sex is Overrated". Although he had more than his share of women leave his side, I still feel that in most respects Dad treated his partners well and tried his best to understand them and do right by them. So maybe what he was saying is that sex is only a small part of a good relationship... and that it tends to get more attention than it deserves, perhaps at the detriment of developing other sides of a relationship.
Whelll... maybe that is what he was saying or maybe just maybe I've read too much into our very brief birds and bees talk and what he was really trying to say is... Boy don't you go and get your girlfriend knocked up now, ya hear?! Adem you had even less exposure to Dad as you were coming of age.. but maybe you two had a talk about such matters.... you can share it on or off line if you wish.

now thats what Im talking about, thanks Dana

When I first mentioned this to Rob or he mentioned the blog idea to me, I felt it would be at it's best if it could be used remember dad by challenging us to do more dad stuff.

Dad & his puzzles

Dad always loved a good riddle, puzzle, mind challenge, etc. John's story about the mouse trap is a great example of this. I remember Dad used to play chess, messing with a Rubicks cube, some wooden puzzle thing he picked up at a yard sale...whatever he could find to challenge his mind. I remember once he even bought this math "system" off of the T.V. because it promised to increase your speed to solve math problems exponentially. Of course he made Sherry and I watch it (for the record, I still count on my fingers). Nevertheless, he loved a good riddle too.

I walked into the living room tonight after talking with Becky (doing okay) and Rob was watching Die Hard With a Vengenance. He immediately asks me if I know how to figure out the "water jug" riddle given to Bruce Willis in the movie. He kept going over it and over it with no avail. 5 weeks ago, the first thing I would have done would be to call Dad and see if he could figure it out. Well, I knew he WOULD figure it out, but how quick would be the real challenge. There was an instant pang in my heart that I couldn't make that phone call. I imagine there will be a lot of those moments....

So, I thought it might be fun to see if any of his other kids might be able to solve this riddle that I know Dad would have gotten a kick out of. NO cheating. You can find the answer online, but you know Dad would be frowning if anyone did that. (Yes, Rob and I found it online so we could sleep tonight, but I'm not pretending I figured it out on my own. I still count on my fingers remember.) I'll post the answer in a few days if no one gets it. Good luck!

You have a 5 gallon jug, a 3 gallon jug, and an endless supply of water. What process do you go through to have EXACTLY 4 gallons in one jug? It must be exact, as the jug will be placed on a scale. If measured correctly, you disarm the bomb and save the day!