Raymond

fantasy

Today I was fantasizing about the moment the asbestos began to enter Dad's lungs... how many particles did it take before the mesothelioma became a forgone conclusion. Was it like the straw that broke the camel's back or more like the one hundred thousandeth particle that fissured it's way into the soft tissue and became slowly malignant. Well the real fantasy was, what would it have taken to change the outcome. If Dad had not been promoted...never chosen to work with Rickover. I know it is senseless to think about such things but today I did for the first time. Picking over time, history, wondering how things could have been altered. Isn't life strange, he went to work everyday, with no notion he was dramatically shortening his life. love and miss you always Daddy

I miss you, Dad :)

Happy happy Birthday!
I'm still trying to live my life to it's fullest like you would have wanted...it gets hard sometimes, but then I remember that you're still here with me/us. ::hugs::

I hope your Birthday is everything and more.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Here he is, Little Ray, wrapped in the blanket Grandma Becky made for him and here is another birthday we will acknowledge without actually seeing or hearing from Dad. I was thinking a month or so ago that I have gone long stretches of time in my life without seeing Dad but it has now been the longest span. Life is busy Dad, and it goes on, but you are still in my thoughts and the cleft of a new baby's chin.

still holding on

I am thinking about trying to find some of the men dad served with in the 70s and asking for stories. I bet there would be some goodies!

this one...

Yesterday I watched images of grand fireworks displays in places where it gets dark enough to have them and I remembered all the Fourth of July events we went to in Connecticut. This one holiday I remember sharing with dad. No Halloweens, Thanksgivings, or Easters, only one Christmas I remember, but Fourth of July we celebrated together! Oh, how I miss him.

Happy Father's Day

Hey Dad...
I've been away and trying not to feel guilty about the fact that I've enjoyed a phase of grieving that isn't as painful. I don't think of you as often in a way that makes me slide off into a painful place. Mostly now I think of you and smile and appreciate the blessing it was and continues to be to have such a wonderful father in my life. Today, strangely I don't have my own children at my side. I'm going to hike up Bird Ridge in your honor. The last time I was there was with you ... we almost made it to the top and I"m sure we would have made it if it weren't for our getting started so late in the day. I'll be thinking of you and thankful all the way.
love you
Rob