AIN'T NO GRAVE (Can Hold My Body Down) Johnny Cash

Merry Christmas

Wehllll...
Dad it has been quite a while, but I thought I'd best get on here and say a bit of something. I don't mean that in the way that a person feels when goaded to stand up and say something when he doesn't really want to but has to. I just mean the feeling has welled up long enough that now it has to get up out of me. I think the most important reflections for this year and in this particular day are that I am mostly happy in remembering you. I'm happy because the sting of your leaving is distant, the pit of despair of losing the ability to be with you and the frustration of not having you there when I need you is something I've managed to climb up out of and over. I'm also happy because in the process of climbing out of that pit of despair and overcoming that frustration has been effective because I've learned to see those parts of you in me and in others who's lives you touched. And even in a strange way I see bits of you in my children and in the other lights of the world and this brings a smile to my lips and a quiet peace to my heart for I know that you have not and cannot die.

Thanks Robert

I come here just to see that picture of Dad's smiling face. I just pop open this page and say "hi Dad!" and then go on with my day. Maybe you could give me a copy of this picture?

Raymond

fantasy

Today I was fantasizing about the moment the asbestos began to enter Dad's lungs... how many particles did it take before the mesothelioma became a forgone conclusion. Was it like the straw that broke the camel's back or more like the one hundred thousandeth particle that fissured it's way into the soft tissue and became slowly malignant. Well the real fantasy was, what would it have taken to change the outcome. If Dad had not been promoted...never chosen to work with Rickover. I know it is senseless to think about such things but today I did for the first time. Picking over time, history, wondering how things could have been altered. Isn't life strange, he went to work everyday, with no notion he was dramatically shortening his life. love and miss you always Daddy

I miss you, Dad :)

Happy happy Birthday!
I'm still trying to live my life to it's fullest like you would have wanted...it gets hard sometimes, but then I remember that you're still here with me/us. ::hugs::

I hope your Birthday is everything and more.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Here he is, Little Ray, wrapped in the blanket Grandma Becky made for him and here is another birthday we will acknowledge without actually seeing or hearing from Dad. I was thinking a month or so ago that I have gone long stretches of time in my life without seeing Dad but it has now been the longest span. Life is busy Dad, and it goes on, but you are still in my thoughts and the cleft of a new baby's chin.