This is sorta random but I thought I'd share.
There are things that I know he's touched.
And there is fierce protection there as if I can hold it forever and it won't let him go.
Or other traces - a clip of video, a bit of cassette tape, a favored song of his I hope I'll never forget.
I thought for a moment I'd misplaced the last video I have of him (June 07) and I cannot describe the panic that flew through me... like he was dying again.
How many small ways is there to hold him here? Of course there is the surest thing of all - his blood and spirit coursing through me, but I don't always have the confidence in that compared to these other small things - like a pair of his old pants he gave me last summer. I like to wear them but then I get a worry like... what if I wear them out? Will they go away too and what does that mean? Will he go further away when the things are gone too, if I don't cling tightly enough or exercise enough care?
4 comments:
hunting pic brother
same here with the littel things Ive got one of dads littel candy bars the boys never found . dad also gave me two tools from his grand pa, whicht are less of him but cool adem gave me a broken gettar pick and the strings when he changed them from dads gettar. I want to make a resting place here to be able to visit like a grave site a monument if you will.
I have a couple of little trinkets of Dad's that I aquired over the years. I found one while packing/moving this last time...a little skiing man with a beard and 'Ray' painted underneath. Cracked me up :)
I'll try to post a pic
Robert, you explained that beautifully. I had been thinking that very thing a lot, but hadn't figured out how to verbalize it. I don't have many "things" of dad's, but I feel that way about my memories...ones I have now and ones I'm realizing that I had already forgotten (like the songs reachel mentioned, the one about the fox and the moon).
Hey is there a ghostly aura around Dad's head? is that why Adem said the picture was haunting? I cling to my memories and search for more. I cringe when I think about the times he might have been less than thrilled with me. I still feel like Mesiothelioma/dad's death ran over me like a train and I have not gotten up yet. I still don't want to think about it, don't want to believe it. for tokens I have the toys that he and Becky bought for Atticus as a baby and now Kai plays with them. there is the sink he installed in the cabin one hot summer day
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