I miss you, Dad.
It's becoming less and less of a 'sad' missing you...which I know you'll be happy to hear!
I tend to smile more now- instead of always feeling the tears fall.
Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments of utter despair. It just hits me out of the blue at times- like when I picked up a bottle of grape soda at the gas station the other day.
I remembered that, at one point, you loooooved grape soda. So I bought a bottle for the heck of it.
. . .
It seemed like I wouldn't stop crying in the car on the way home...but it turned into a bit of a sheepish grin after several miles, realizing that you were probably up there getting a big kick out of me remembering the soda after all these years.
And just in case you were wondering, yeah Dad...it was darn good. :)
More often than not, though, I enjoy reliving memories with you rather than anguishing that I will never hear your voice again.
The other day, I stopped along a quick hike with a friend to pick blackberries. Scratching my hands & arms all up, I couldn't help but smile the whole time- remembering our blackberry picking side trips where ever we happened to find them. Horseback riding, walking around the 3 mile loop, or on the side of the road on the way to a service call. You could never pass them up!
I remember, Dad...I remember.
I know you would have loved all the berries I picked that day, both the sweet & the pucker-worthy tart. It was really nice to be able to share that with you, as you are now.
So...I'm still here. And you're still there. But that place in between is becoming more bareable for me to visit on a regular basis without worrying that I'll look like a crazy blubbering idiot in the WalMart isles. Then again...who cares if I look like a crazy woman in WalMart, of all places, right?!? :)
My point, is that I'm enjoying my time with you in my current life more and more through the memories that you've left us. I could never thank you enough for those. They're what's getting me though this, albeit slowly.
I smile more often than cry. And that's a start...
All my love,
one of your darling daughters, Sherry Rae
3 comments:
Hi Sherey thats a nice blog Its nice to knew were are on the same wave. I kind of hope it never ends and still want to get off it from time to time. I ve been out crabing which = hours and hours of alone to think about dad, whacthed walk the line last trip which is allways good for a tear or two. Adems off at a pre colege med thing meeting a lot of new friends and finding out about life a way from Nome and loven it. l8tr adem
HI Sherry,
This morning Atticus was asking me when we can come and visit you again. I told him that I hoped you would come here and see us the next time! I have been trying to help my friend Ethan deal with the sudden and unexpected loss of his mother and I would really like to show him your entry. To know that you will never stop missing someone but that your memories will make you smile instead of cry as time goes by is very helpful. I find myself remembering experiences with Dad and Aunt Sharon that I have not thought of in years ...that is kind of fun.. like opening a piggybank.
love you,
Reachel
A lovely post Sherry. Thanks. I too am getting "better" whatever that means exactly but I guess the definition I'm using is I don't find myself crying quite as often. However, all it takes is a bit of reflection on something about him or something I'd like to be doing with him (again) or a plan that never materialized... in time.
Robert
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