I saw Dad at the gym earlier this week. From behind. He was on the stair master. Worn white t-shirt, strong broad shoulders, wispy gray hair with just that bit of thinning so you could see his cute pink scalp a bit at the back there, and a bit of middle age paunch showing from round the sides. Oh, and yes he was quite sweaty of course, and I could see his glasses from that vantage point too. And the enthusiasm, the determination in climbing those stairs up and up and up... tireless - full of life.
The flash of recognition. The brief smile on my face. What's he doing here?!
Fleeting. Half a second it flickered. Maybe less but it lingered after I realized the cruel joke of it. This was no Houston. I felt no exalted sense of Dad's omnipresence. No... just the caustic sting of knowing I had not seen him and would not see him ever.
A few days later he was hanging around again. Not in that way... not actually seeing him but feeling him. I was climbing up Arctic Valley again. This time with both my kids - and I kept remembering Dad climbing up there with them too. I was turning to my left... there was the snow bank where he had a snow ball fight with them. Here was where he sat looking at God's creation with his grandchildren. How could this happen? Life is more fleeting than we realize, I guess. My strongest champion laid out long before I suspected he would slow down. At least he haunts my waking dreams, at times visits me at rest, and I hope lives in me in small measure.
3 comments:
You have a beautiful way of putting your thoughts in to words. I too have seen Dad lately - a split-second of happiness followed by a few days of reflection. I had a dream the other night that I was at some type of gathering and he walked in. I was suprised and confused because no one thought it was out of the ordinary. Later in the dream I realized it was because I was the only one there that could see him. I woke up tearful, but recognizing that Dad is all around us in people, songs, and our memories. It's no dream, it's real even if you are the only one to recognize it.
Hi Dana
Good to hear from you. Yes, most of the time I do feel him all around me in a way that is comforting (as in my 'thanks for dying...' post). This is the legacy of living a good life I think - leaving gifts that enrich the lives of others. We are all blessed for having had him in our lives. Although we have these moments where we realize the sting of not enjoying his more earthly presence, I hope we all will feel an increased impact of appreciating what he has left behind.
There is also an implied lesson here that we should strive to live lives that will leave a similar legacy.
Robert
Dads seems to visit me when Im fishing the most I will add more in a blog soon Thanks for keeping an eye on Adem ( not that he needs one ) its nice to know hes doing well.
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