Big Tub

In January of this year just after he had left this world, I dreamed of my father - a lot. I felt him, saw him, I heard his voice calling my name, and I visited with him – talking on a magic cell phone that let me call to the other side. It was comforting, most of the time – except on waking and realizing just how fantastic and removed from my daily existence this dream world of mime really was. And yet…

These dreams did retain a kernel of comfort in them. I was able to visit, to reflect, to be connected to him in some way. One of these dreams that was of particular comfort was the Big Tub.

Although he was stoic (as you’d expect) – there is no doubt that the final months of Ray’s life were uncomfortable. Painful even. Yes, I know from hearing his voice and seeing his face at times… the pain was intense. But it was more than this. It was the very natural struggle that we feel.. right down deep in the core of our biology.. the struggle for life. My Dad’s life force was strong. Despite being at peace with leaving this world, he fought on… as he also loved this world and the people in it. He was not going to let go early. And frankly this reminds me of how he would engage tasks that needed doing. He would put his shoulder into it and keep at it until it was done or he was done, one or the other. Mostly the former. And after a hard day’s work… I remember as a child that he LOVED a very very Hot bath. Sometimes I would go and chat with him while he steamed away in a bath, skin all red and “aaaahing“.

He also loved the outdoors.

So imagine if you will the comfort I felt when in deep slumber I saw him… my dead father. There he was in the dappled light, beneath a sprawling old oak, in a Big Tub - an old-fashioned white claw foot tub, in a steaming bath of hot water, looking out over a pasture of fresh spring grass and flowers. I took that in and in a moment – knew without a doubt that my father was at peace. So much better than the months or weeks that proceeded his departing this world.

It was some sort of vision of heaven. I saw the other side once when I was a child – I nearly died. The doctors had written me off. I saw something while I was there - almost dead. What matters is not so much what I saw, but what I felt. It was peaceful beyond words and I read that on my Dad’s face in my dream as he surveyed the sun bathed pasture around his steamy hot bath. I’m glad he is having a nice hot bath.. he deserves it.