Merry Christmas Dad

Been thinking of him and on him for some days now. The heart and mind wanders… Oh were it possible to enjoy the crushing joy and deep satisfaction of one of his bear hugs with his strong arms that you knew could always be relied upon to help? But… it isn’t any more possible to have that than his sincere and welcoming smile. Or is it?

We lost him on Christmas and in some ways this was fitting because he is forever connected to a day and a season that his life and character so closely embodied. He really was a spirit of Christmas… gracious, kind, charitable. Yet also not a push over… not beyond granting a lump of coal when warranted! But one could be assured that the coal was not mean spirited but given with the sincere hope that it might lead to changing behavior and the life of the other for the better.

So Christmas brings us back to him with a tinge of sorrow and regret of course but also with recognition of the spirit of him that lives on in the celebrating of these principles with others in this season. Which is also for me a reminder that often what we most admire in others is something at the core of humanity – our common humanity expressed in finer or more consistent form. So with this in mind, I find my self confident and comforted in knowing that I will find in others aspects of what I miss most in my Father. I will find it now and in the future as I have in the past.. and I will find it next door, around the corner, across this Nation and around the World. That promise of encountering the best of our common humanity does nothing to diminish the memory and legacy of our dear Father. It only serves to remind us that he listened and learned well and attended to the deeper voices of his heart and soul. And borrowing those lessons in earnest for his time and in turn gifting those lessons to the hearts of others, as the human story has unfolded for countless lives throughout the world this common humanity moves forward with all of us life by life. It also connects us all as a family.

Becky was so kind as to gift me one of Dad’s guitar picks this Christmas and I was reminded of all the songs he shared with us over the years. And the music. I enjoyed learning the music that was dear to him and trying to learn what it said about him. And I recall one summer when I was a boy walking down unfamiliar streets hot blacktop on my feet… winding our way this way and that, but confident he was certain in his bearings. He led us kids to a big circus tent and inside Harry Chapin was on a stage smiling, joking, plucking at his guitar a bit and warming up the crowd. He sang a song that resonated with me and the difficulty of being away from Dad, but the comfort in knowing that I would always be with him again in someway or another. And now I also think about this song and how it relates to being wrapped up in the love of that common humanity also…

This video has a bit of a song that introduces the song that I recalled which is "All My Life is a Circle"

What a Beautiful Day

All is well hear Dad hope the same for you and yours

Wish you were here...

sigh two / too

A song came on the radio yesterday. The one that Aidan put on the DVD he made for his grandpa. It made me cry all over again. I just wish there had been more time to spend with him and that my children could have gotten to know him better. Aidan was in the car with me and I thanked him again for making that movie and I asked him how he felt about Grandpa and he said he was a bit sad and that he wished he had lived closer to us. I didn't say it, but I almost reminded him that now Grandpa lives right in our heart and so when we miss him we have to look inside for the best of him that we bear and share on our journey through our own lives.

:::sigh:::

Big check today from the settlement.
It's extremely bittersweet....

It'll pay for my Master's which is a huge weight off my chest- but I would give ANYTHING to just have had him here a little bit longer. Screw the $$, it'll never make up for the time we've lost. :(


Thank you, Dad. ::hugs::

Happy Birthday, Dad :)

These are pics I took in October '07, right around his Birthday.
This is one of my absolute favorites since it reminds me of quintessential Dad- the explorer. :)

This one cracked me up because it make it look like his hair was a big ray of light :D (sorta like a halo). He got a pretty big kick out of it too. hehehe

I miss you Daddy!

The leaves are turning...

Today I really wish I could talk to you dad. tell you about things, ask you about things. maybe laugh about things. give me some perspective. I miss you so much.
your darling daughter

That's my dad...

This post is not what you are thinking it will be. I will not be describing dad, as in "that's my dad!". Once upon a time, long before caller ID numerical or auditory, I used to be able to tell if it was dad calling. Not everytime but often times when he called I knew before I picked up it was him. It used to creep out my boyfriend at the time..."ring", "that's my dad".... "hi dad". How did you know?. Usually I knew before the phone rang that he would be calling soon. Then I had a mess of kids to distract me and dad and I had a kind of understanding that we would speak on Sunday afternoons so the second sense went away and that odd telephone voice saying BOKEMUN RAYmund took it's place. Well a few days ago the phone rang in the morning and I thought "it's dad" for the first time in ages. Of course it wasn't, it was probably a telemarketer. I don't know why I am even telling anybody about it except it was a very sweet 2 seconds in my life post Ray. I have also been giving a lot of thought lately to how I can enrich people's lives around me the way dad enriched peoples lives around him. Even when he just gave a big encouraging smile or a little hug it meant something. He inspired people and lifted hearts all around him... . ahhhhhhhhhhh those are big shoes. Robert the blog has been invaluable to me. I will write more on it later.

ps I can't find any of my digital photos of Dad!!!! the puppies were a place holder but I can't figure out how to delete them. Dad would have liked them anyway.

Miss ya, Dad!
::hugs::
:)

UGGGGG Rob the pics seem like there of someone else. Dad didn't seem like he was dieing just his body not his mind(still funny still sharp and strong till the last hours),thank god is the the best thing to say.Thank God we all made it down to see him off all but the last was a joy.As for the blog its a mixed blessing for me like Reachle says its dads final resting place some where we all can visit let him know whats up ,we miss him. But its all ways a reminder hes dead ,every time I come hear I am reminded I will not see him in this life and that's the bitter pill.

On a more positive note every things is going well Adem is back and is a joy to have around . Anvil has proubly past me up in hieght and has been spending a lot of time helping his grandparnts out this sumer. Atlas is all Boeckmann he wants to fish all the time and screams fish ,fish ,I want to fish any time he sees any water. Archer looks a lot like dad did in his baby pics and is a real blessing and brings joy to my hart.

Help?

Folks I've resisted doing this for a long time. However as a research psychologist and a person who wants to help others in the world... I've been wondering if any of you have felt as though this blog has been helpful in the grieving process.
I have done a bit of reading on the subject and there is not a lot of research on the subject of computer mediated grieving. I am thinking I might find a graduate student who is interested in doing some research with me and put him or her onto researching this subject. We have a new cancer ward across the street from the university now and so tragically there will be a supply of families like ourselves facing the loss of a loved one. However that represents an opportunity to learn from them about how a blog like ours might help families in the future.
Please post any comments / thoughts you have on how this blog may (or may not) have helped in anyway. If you can mention anything specific that is more helpful to me with my scientist hat on.
Love to you all. I just talked to Becky today and it made me cry thinking of those final days and how much I miss him.

Happy Father's Day

Just Happy Father's Day
I miss you. I'm thankful for the love you shared with me and the lessons you taught me about being a good father and a good person. I will do my best to honor your memory by walking those lessons into my life and into the next with integrity and heartfelt conviction.
hugs Robert

Father's Day around the corner...

Well...it's that time of year again.
And since I'm not a Mom yet (ie: I have no father of my children to celebrate)...my Father's Day revolves solely around Dad.
UGH!

Still as bittersweet as always. I miss him dearly and keep catching myself in eminent tears in reaction to some of the most random things. Okay, so those moments seem completely random to perfect strangers...but they're not as random as you might think.

Picking blackberries, making apple pies, walking along a river that looks like the Buffalo...biting into a juicy piece of watermellon (did you know that during his last year, he couldn't get enough of the stuff?), hearing some CCR on the radio, seeing kids run up and jump into their Dad's arms...heck, even the At&t commericals are starting to get to me on occassion.

I'm not 'sad' anymore. Well, yes I am...but you know. It's that whole 'can't do anything about it so don't dwell on what could have been' mentality. I'm trying to be more optimistic and positive about what he left us with now-a-days.

Because of the impact he made on my life...
I know that when I have kids, you'd better be damn sure:
*that they're going to spend plenty of weekends camping or canoeing...
*that they'll get pancake breakfasts and bisquits and gravy on a whim...
*that they won't be spoiled, but know that they are loved and not afraid of hard work to earn a living...
*that they'll know how to drive a stick-shift and change their tires before getting their license on the open road...
*that they'll know how to swim by the time (if not before) they can walk!
*that they won't be afraid of adventure! And know the value of a single day
*that they'll know what fireflies are and catch a few in their lifetime (we don't have 'em in CA, unfortunately..but there will be vacations back East, I'm sure :)
*that they'll understand kindness and patience with every soul on this earth. Children, Adults, Animals...and bugs. There's no reason to smash it if it's not a danger...let it live it's life. You can't see the big picture from here
*that they'll always be willing to help a friend (and safely help strangers) simply to feel the warmth of a good heart- no 'reward' required.

I could go on and on and on and on.

Thanks for being my Dad, Dad.

And thanks to all of you guys for helping me carry on his legacy. I'm proud to call you family :)


OH! I almost forgot...
I know it might seem silly to get Dad a Father's Day present when, well...you know...
But....
http://www.heifer.org/card2.asp?icard=nlKTI6PPJdLULePOJaLZIjNVJeLZJfMWKxE

Dad,
There's some bunnies, chickens, and a grove of trees out there in your honor now; feeding, providing shelter & encouraging education for some deserving kids. I figure that's better than a fruit basket, eh? :)

Happy Memorial Day Daddy

This is a day I would ordinarily call Dad and thank him for his service to our country. I wish I could put flowers and a flag on his grave today. So here I am. Rest in Peace.

still can't believe it

Does anyone else ever look at Dad's picture, or in a moment when you would really love to call him up, think WOW, I can't believe this horrible thing happened to dad, to all of us. I still do. From time to time I actually stop and think, did that really happen? I suspect I always will. I heard a poem on the radio a couple days ago and one line stood out. It was "Death robs us of everything but our stories". blog babbling. bobble blagging.

Lost in the Dad Woods

Saturday I spent the entire day outside with my family. We were cleaning up the debris from a storm 6 months ago. As we burned a mass of upended roots that stood almost 8 feet high (thanks for the great idea Adem), our sons and several neighborhood children roasted hot dogs and marshmallows and poked sticks into the flames. I started to move large rounds of spruce that had been left in a jumbled pile by the tree cutting service we hired. I placed the largest in circumference in the pea gravel bed that used to hold our substantial playhouse/ swing/slide/climbing wall thingy which had blown down in an earlier storm, in an attempt to make an obstacle course of sorts for Atticus, Rohan, and Kai. I wanted them to be able to step or leap from one to the other, maybe timing or racing each other. That was when I had the first in that days series of "dad woulds". Sometimes I don't know what dad would have done... I just know he would have had a really good idea. Sometimes I know pretty much what he would have done but I can't make myself expend the energy to do it. but dad would have and that was one of the special things about dad. he would do the most fun or clever things. unforgettable things.

well this has gone on long enough

I just have to write something!! the post I meant to write over a month ago was about how this blog site is Dad's grave to me. The thought occurred to me because I had been toying with my Facebook account and thought how convenient it would be if "Blogger" had all those amenities ( or if we somehow moved Dad's blog over to Facebook). Like alerting your email if someone had posted or if someone had commented on a post you had made ages ago. However I immediately thought that Facebook was far too public and frivolous to hold our thoughts and visits. I can not go to Dad's grave, so when I want to visit him, hold him quietly in my heart, I come here and read or just grieve. It is ok there are no new entries because I know that I am still coming here week after week even if there is not. Today, though, I will leave some flowers and some words as proof I was here. My words are APPLES AND CHEESE!!!

Adem

********************his grandpas boy*****************

Anvil

**************his grandpas boy***************

Archer

***************his grandpas boy*****************

Atlas

************ his grandpa boy nuff said****************

Dads regrete the one that I rember was...........

To follow your dreams ,maybe this advise was for me and me allone. Every time I find my self ready to get the 9 to 5 I rember. I have a good life and want not for much I have a grate life and get to follow my dreams. So why do I find my self secound guesing ,It would be a good job with friends and few head ackes. But I still cant pull the trigger DAD only your advise will do send me a singh

HEY HEY HEY Reachel HEY HEY HEY

Remeber hey hey hey...................thats got to put a smile on your face.

Hey bert its a stairway

Archer Kray has an outy

I don't no if dad was born with his outy (the belly botton ) or if was all the heavey lifting but Archer still has an outy and some big ears .hes 20lb and 30inches now and crying so see ya

Redneck Resort

Chapter 2

Ray, even in his very young years, was a natural leader. We as brothers and friends were excited just to be around him. He had a friendly outgoing nature but was never dominant as one in charge. Rather it was his ability to listen to those around him and make their ideas his own. He had the ability to make another person good idea a reality.

At camp, housing became the first priority with everyone working together. We chopped down a long slender sturdy pine tree and cleared it of all its branches; its length stretching some twenty feet. Each end of this main support beam were secured by a small but strong nylon rope some eight feet high on two trees separated by the same number of feet. This was repeated again on another two trees that were parallel to the first two but just five feet away. Small supporting limbs were now cut to form the ribs of the natural hut each separated from the other by a foot or less and angling off from the top supporting branch (eight foot high) to the ground below. This natural construction was repeated on the other side as well and across the top between the four trees. Thick brush was gathered next by all and laid flat against the ribs of the hut on each side and across the top. The final construction forming the natural siding was fifteen inches of thick pine needles packed from the bottom to the top of the ribs and across the top. As we all stood inside of our new natural but temporary home, we found that there was room for all and a comfortable place to sleep. Since none of us had sleeping bags, we continued to pack the dirt floor of our hut with a thick bed of straw and pine needles to act as our bedding. There was no need for blankets because of the warm summer nights.

Out side of our hut in a clear area and close to the water’s edge, Raymond constructed a fire pit of six feet in diameter by digging in to the ground to forming a large bowl having dirt sides and ringed with large stones around its exterior. All of us gathered fire wood of all sizes from the dead trees on the grounds which were plentiful in the forest around us. We stacked the kindling, drift wood and logs of various sizes in a pile close to the pit that brother Ray had made.

The work of setting up camp was now complete so we all took to fishing along the bank to acquire our evening meal. We gathered wiggly worms from under the dead leaves in the moist areas around the edges of the creek and were successful in catching a number of large bream. These were quickly cleaned and gutted and washed in the flowing waters of the creek. While we were catching fish, Ray was working on starting the fire from matches. On the bottom of the pit he laid a quantity of straw and pine needles, then a layer of very small kindling and brush on top. Finally, He took the medium and large logs we had gathered and formed the shape of a tee-pee around the edges of the pit. We all watched as he struck the match to light the straw and pine needles. Then with the side of his face close to the ground, he began to gently blowing on the burning embers to create a small blaze. It was not long before the rest of the dried wood erupted into a blazing fire. Ray made long supporting rods from green wooden sticks that formed a “Y” at the top and using a hatchet he sharpened their ends so that they could be easily be driven into the ground on each side of the fire pit. He then constructed another strong wooden stick that he placed across the fire and into the wooden supports on each side; onto which he placed a coffee pot filled with water and coffee grounds.

We then cut small and green long limbs about ¼” thick. These green wooded pieces were stripped clean of their bark to form shinny wooded rods with pointed ends forming long narrow needles of wood. In the process of gathering the wooded needle, we came across a thick thorny batch of ripe black berries which we quickly picked to fill close to several quart coffee cans. On our return, we threaded two prepared and cleaned bream onto these natural cooking utensils and held the raw fish over the sparkling hot fire to roast. It was not long before we had a tasty feast of cooked fish, enough for all to enjoy as well as having our fill of black berries sweetened by some sugar that we had brought with us.

After our meal, we sat like Indians around the fire pit and due to the heat of the dying day we stripped clean of our clothes save for our shorts chattering like a bunch of squirrels about anything that crossed our minds.

It was not long before night pushed the falling sun into the west and into the ground to disappear from view. The blazing fire became the only light we had to brighten our camp site. It was truly a memorable experience by all as we all sat quietly around the fire, enjoying the rural natural nightlife celebrating the changing of the guard. With the passing of the day to night, a completely new group of insects, birds and animals suddenly began awakening to its obscurity and shadows. With their choral renaissance, we heard for the first time, a crescendo of new songs filling the void left by their nosy daytime neighbors. The stillness of the night airs amplified their melody into surround sound filling the night from all directions. We felt for the first time the intense murkiness and darkness of the new night, as our eyes slowly adjusted to the absence of sunlight. Off to the East, the moon appeared full into the sky, beginning its celestial journey across the night sky while flooding the sky with its soft glow like a giant flood light. The rising moon soon provided a natural glow enough to dilute the surrounding darkness and form minuscule paths of light in between the trees around us.

We had become like our early ancestors of long ago that once had traveled across this land to live as were living now. Soon, real and fictionalized “ghost” stories began to haunt the minds of our small group; becoming reality in the words forming long stories with scary endings as we shared hot coffee between us around the blazing fire.

It was not long before we grew tired of the nightlife. Ray dampened the fire to just hot coals, and we moved inside our tent to close out the night with sleep and put to rest the constant noise of the choir of singing insects in the trees and woods about us.


(To be continued)

My lonesome hart

Im sure pop could of would of proubly did write a song for whats in my hart and mind. The new pic of dad ,aunts ,and uncles is one I dont rember . All I could think of is what a bunch of spark plugs and how sad it is we are not running on all 8 . I gues we are running all 88 or more by now counting all thhe cussens.

god bless adem

Notice

Just in case you have not noticed way down at the bottom of the page.. I've added a picture or two on this front page.

Give Ray Away

My dear sweet son Aidan came up to me the other day and in a quiet little voice handed this little Whirly Gigg over to me and said "Dad I think you should have this."

Quite a few summers back Dad came up to Alaska to visit in the summer. We had a grand ol' time as usual. We went canoeing on the local lake and Dad started collecting a bunch of goose and sea gull feathers on a little island we landed on. He just started picking them up and the kids asked why and he would not answer except for a twinkle in his eye. They got a bit excited by the mystery and picked up feathers too. We got back to the house and it turns out that Dad had spotted some corn cobbs laying around from a bar b que a day or two before. So he got to work and made some whirly giggs by cutting the cobs in half, digging a bit of a hole in one end and stuffing the feathers in there. Then he gave it a big toss... arching high into the air and it twirled and twisted down to squeals of delight. The kids played with those things a bunch. Next time some neighbor kids came over Dad had to set himself up a mini factory to keep up with the demand.. and kids were flying all over the yard chasing the things and launching them again and again. So next time summer rolls around in your neck of the woods - hold onto a few corn cobbs and look out for stray feathers. Build yourself one of these simple little pieces of wonder and joy and Give Ray Away...
Or just anything Ray has given you or taught you that will enrich another .. give it a way. I'm sure that is what he'd want you to do and it is one way you can keep him alive.

Santa Ray part deux

I remember wanting to post this but not sure if I did...nor can I find it...

So if it's a repeat, please forgive!

If not, I think all of you will get a kick out of Dad & his red snow suit. :)

Dad & Becky went skiing awhile back:

"Cute story. A three or four year old girl was in line with us. Her name, Daniel, was written across her helmet. I said "hi Daniel". She looked up at me, her eyes got real big and she said, "How did you know my name? Are you Santa Clause?" Of course I played the part.

Love Dad"

I love you Daddy

What do you make of that? We are living in some VERY interesting times and thus I have really been missing my Sunday afternoon chats with dad . In this life I have a select few sounding boards. A small handful of people who can influence my opinions and decisions. It is a good thing I am well on my way to being an adult because one of the most influential is gone. I might get by without the advice but I still miss the perspective. I thank God and my father for giving me some wonderful siblings who go a long way towards filling this void. I wish he was here I wish he was here I wish I never had to leave his side. Dad's last words to me were "I love you too", as he struggled to stand and fight the affects of the sedatives. There were other words but these were the last said to me while looking in my eyes. I said I love you Daddy and he stopped and said I love you too and then continued on with his battle. I want more memories and less wishes but I will be grateful for what I have.

Christmas and New year

It has been a blessed year in many ways.

This is the time of the year we remember all the family we miss and cherish all the memories from the past we had with them. I just wanted to say one thing that sticks out is all the laughter and smiles I shared with them and truly miss around this time of the year. God Bless us all.

Clint

Just...

Not feeling sad or anything in particular but enjoying the beautiful outdoors lately has made me think of how he so loved the natural world and what a joy it was to share it with him. Reachle put it well today when I chatted with her on the phone. Even though it is about 15 below zero out and really hard to muster the motivation to go out there.. she said she looked out her window and thought Dad would have been out there with her boys and have found a way to make it so fun that everyone would forget the cold at least for a while. Just so happens that I found this photo earlier this week.. seems like Aidan is giving Grandpa the thumbs up on his sledding technique. Note he is improvising with a jacket for a sled...Nuf said!