Maybe this will help.....

Robert, Adem, Raechel, Sherry and Dana,

I wanted to let you all know that I am definately praying for all of you, especially tomorrow. I remember the 1st birthday of Cathy's after her death. It was very painful, as I am sure your Dad's birthday tomorrow will be for all of you. But I realized something a few months after Cathy died that has helped me tremendously with my grief. I truly believe without one single doubt that Cathy's time on earth was predestined by God to the exact time she passed. You see, my grief was compounded by my feelings of anger and resentment and bitterness about how and why she died. But after this realization, I thought, if her time on earth was predestined, then did it matter how or why she died? My family and I would often talk of "if only Cathy had done this"or "if only Cathy had done that" then she could have fought her illness and would still be here. Then it occurred to me, that if her time was predestined then it wouldn't have made a difference if she had just done something else to fight her cancer. I believe in my heart that if she had been proactive and fought her cancer and gone into remission and been cured she still would have passed that morning on October 9, 2006 by some other means. After I accepted this, somehow her passing wasn't quite as painful since alot of my pain was associated with how she died. I know that you all also are experiencing great pain associated with how Ray died and making your own "if only" statements. "If only he hadn't been in the Navy....he wouldn't have been exposed to the asbestos and he would still be with us." I believe Ray's time was also predestined and he, too, would have passed on December 25, 2007 whether or not he had been in the Navy. Knowing this helps me somehow accept God's plan for my life and that plan includes pain and grief and deaths of loved ones. ALL things work for the good of God and that Cathy and Ray's deaths were predestined by God for HIS good. Only God knows his plan and how all of our lives intertwine and work together for His good. I find comfort in knowing that Cathy and Ray's death had a purpose just as great as their lives had meaning. Not only did their lives help fulfill God's plan, but also their deaths. Maybe it is through Ray's death that someone else has truly begun their relationship with Christ and ONLY through his death. My separation and divorce from my first husband, Brad, was without a doubt the most painful longterm experience of my life. (I will spare you the grisly details.) I might venture to say even more painful than Cathy's death. Maybe. But I know without a doubt that it was ONLY through experiencing that extreme pain that I truly accepted Christ as my Savior and began my new life with Him. I know one had to go with the other and no other way. That was God's plan for my life here on earth. Although I never wanted to experience that pain and never wanted a divorce from Brad, I do take some comfort in knowing that I now have eternal life because of that experience. I also, now have a wonderful marriage with Jim and three more beautiful children, all whom were also predestined to be born. I guess what I am trying to say is that Ray's and Cathy's death are for the greater good of God's plan. Their death's are helping fulfill God's purpose in someone else's life. I know this doesn't erase your pain because it is a process you all must go through, but maybe my realization about Cathy will help EASE your pain a little, if only enough to help you endure this journey you are currently on. Know I love ALL of you and hope these days pass quickly and that God finds a way to bring you the comfort you need to endure them.

I am here for all of you.

Love your cousin,
Jennifer

P.S. I dont know John enough to write such personal thoughts to him, but I hope this helps him too in some way.